Rock of Ages....
Bloody hell! There's a movie being released that should be MINE!!! Rock of Ages is an eighties blast of iconic rock n roll with Tom Cruise bare-chested like the love child of Axel Rose and Bon Jovi. Weirdly, it kind of works. But the thing that is upsetting me about this new flick is that it is such a parallel to my own memoir that it feels like plagiarism. You see, I wrote my book, so that it would eventually become a movie. That was my cunning plan to reinvent my rather stalled acting career. The only role in my book that I could play though, is my own mother and that is kind of ....bizarre.
When I saw the musical Rock of Ages (the film is based on a musical) I was consumed by giant waves of anger and jealousy! How dare someone steal my idea....of course they didn't but it felt that way to me. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from me. Here was a brilliant, vibrant colourful recount of the eighties music scene with lots of shoulder pads and big hair and anthemic tunes. Someone beat me to it! Damn and blast!
But....and this is a big buuuuutttt..........it is so American and cheesy....what it lacks and this is a big lllaaaacckkkk is Aussie rock. Now my book, 'One Way or Another' addresses this. It is full of choice meaty Aussie rock and roll. So Baz Luhrmann doesn't have to write me off just yet. Baz, baby, we could make beautiful music together. Picture this.....Puberty Blues but instead of surfers we have rockers....a great soundtrack....rife with INXS tunes....I might let you throw in some Men at Work but ....no...actually...we'll leave them out....way too much vegemite....Aussie overkill. Gold Coast...Bombay Rock and the Playroom. Sydney dives like the Manzil Room, Kardomah Club and Benny's. Mullets. Just like in Forrest Gump we could intersperse real footage of bands and rockers and even Countdown and Molly Meldrum. The key characters could play themselves.....with archival reels....I'm loving this....some hot young spunky newcomer can play teenage me....I may have to borrow Russel Brand to play my sexy English poet though...he'd be up for it! Then I'd have to write a scene where he seduces my mother (played by me)....but I digress. See my book also has Duran Duran and they are blatantly missing from Rock of Ages.
I will want some artistic control though Baz...but you and me...we'd make a great team.
Rock of Ages is just so mainstream. Baz and I would make my film...a work of art. Something magical. Something Oscar-worthy.
But if Baz passes up this golden opportunity...I'm open to offers.
Someone.....anyone....Russel Crowe....Rachel Ward.....John Edwards....Gilian Armstrong....buy the film rights to 'One Way or Another'.
Rock of Ages looks like fun but my film ...the one I am watching in my head....that is altogether something else....it has humour and darkness....sex, scandal and some awesome scenery.
Just putting it out there..........