Australia is a wayward school and the student leadership council is in chronic disarray. The place has become like one of the lamer Star Wars movies. The school captain is a capable girl, a Princess Leia, with a good head on her shoulders and a sensible attitude but she is fighting an uphill battle against a space-ship full of fools and she's doing it with such patience and grace that it's hard not to take your hat off to her.
Leia's got her chief rival making life hard for her. The obnoxious big-mouth, Jar Jar Binks. He's the kid who likes to poke other people in the eye and laugh when no-one else thinks it's funny. She's up the front talking about policy and direction and he's flinging paper clips at her while singing in a Jamaican accent that she runs the joint 'like a girl'. The teachers love him which confounds the student body and they are getting sick of asking why he'd be a good leader when his answers amount to - 'Because Leia's got bread rolls on her ears...' or 'Because Leia's got a paperclip between her eyes.'
There's Han Solo, the cool, suave dude who all the kids like but the teachers complain about because he's not a team player. Malcolm Turnbull is a bit of a solo player but he's popular with the girls. I think the teachers are all just a little bit jealous of him because he makes them look...well....look a bit daggy.
Jar Jar Binks has his off-sider, more famous for the bad hair than anything else....ohhh...and the noises that come out of her mouth that are trying to sound like intelligent words....but are just a pitiful, vacuous moan. The Empire's own Wookie Bishop.
In a previous episode, Leia deposed the popular class clown, a fair fellow with a dashing smile and unnerving giggle. And didn't the kids love him! Not least for his propensity to hand out sweeties to them all, particularly the ones with not much in their lunch-boxes....but the teachers got rid of him because he had an attitude and behind closed doors lost his temper with the teachers and swore at them. God help us! He had a broad grin and time for everyone and he was not too proud to say 'sorry' when no-one else would. Kind of like the loveable Skywalker. He peaked early and then just drifted off into the background. He's still working for the Alliance but in the outposts. Being Leia's secret brother....there's a bit of sibling rivalry going on and he figures...he's the boy...the crown should be rightfully his!
But down in one of the lower grades there is something much more sinister going on - in one of the classes, there is a class captain who is running amok. This is the premier of QLD, Darth Vadar....only in this case it's more like a scene from Space Balls....when you take off the scary black mask and suit, you find it's really little Rick Moranis with his high-pitched voice. This would be funny if he wasn't wielding a Lightsaber because that's the sort of thing that can be dangerous in the wrong hands. For ages eight and up. He's firing that thing about zapping the Literary Awards, public service jobs, Breast screening, Indigenous literacy programs, Drive safe programs and blaming foster parents for the bad behaviour of the troubled children put into their care, while despotically outlawing his opposition. He's surrounded himself with a team of Storm-troopers but even they are being unnerved by the pocket-sized Mussolini and they are scrambling to jump ship.
And as for Obi-Wan Kenobi .....maybe Paul Keating with his air of superiority and biting words of advice and commentary being shared from time to time?
Yoda...perhaps Laurie Oakes??
Either way...it would all be somewhat entertaining if it wasn't so serious. It's a country, not a Hollywood film set. Throw down the light-sabers and don't be so reckless!!!!!!!!!!!!